The issue of in-laws is one which many wives wish did not exist in marriage. This is because it's the bane of many ailing marriages. Many daughters-in-law have a tendency to dislike their mothers-in-law and very few daughters-in-law have ever endured any thing good to say of a mother-in-law. Many spinsters wish that they can not have one when they marry their husbands.
Many mothers-in-law tend to be regarded as overbearing, busybodies and a wife's greatest rival. The questions to ask are:
'Why are mothers-in-law generally understood by their daughters-in-law?' 'Are mothers-in-law truly bad?'
In lots of homes across the entire world, especially in African settings, there's usually an unending, raging conflict between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law.
You can find two parties to the conflict - the wife and her husband using one hand and the mother-in-law on the other hand. To manage to provide understand the reasons for the conflict, it's pertinent to measure the roles played by each party to the conflict.
The wife and her husband
Many wives, especially African wives, come into marriage, fully prepared for battle centered on pre-conceived notions that mothers-in-law are evil and must certanly be put inside their right places. Thus they have formed an opinion of their in-laws and have concluded that the in-laws are antagonists. So, if a partner has a form and loving mother-in-law, she would misconstrue precisely what the mother-in-law says or does.
A wife could have an illusion that when her husband marries her, she must abandon his parents and cling to her. This illusion is based on a scripture that says that '' A man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife'' ;.By their faulty interpretation of this scripture, they appear to forget that exactly the same scripture commands that 'a man should honor his parents''
A sensible man won't abandon his parents because he married a wife. She must continue to relate with them and to supply for them. However, his relationship with them shouldn't allow unnecessary interference in his affairs, especially marital affairs by his relations.
Unfortunately, in several places especially in Africa, relations do interfere in the marital affairs of a married relation and this attitude is a product of an African's cultural values specially the extended family system.
The extended family system of the Africans is a beautiful and commendable cultural system that enables a part to be his brother's keeper. However, one major defect of this method is a member's assumed right to meddle in the marital affairs of another member.
No parent has the proper to meddle in the marital affairs of a son except the son grants them the power to accomplish so. Such powers, when given tend to be abused and the mother-in-law is the main culprit. A boy who grants rights of interference to his relations is actually without maturity and continues to be in bondage to his parents i.e. tied for their apron strings. Marriage is for adults and real men. Real men are not just men by physique as some men really are. Maturity is the capability to take full responsibility for one's actions and to face one's challenges
There's a full world of difference between a healthier respect for one's parents and servitude to them. Many men don't seem to know this difference. A boy who allows undue interference in his marital affairs is consciously or unconsciously setting the stage for a conflict especially where his wife detests and resents such interference. In this wise, the son/husband has become a area of the problem.
Some men are emotionally attached for their parents especially their mothers and this is actually the loop that the mother-in-law takes advantageous asset of to trouble her daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law
A mother-in-law really wants to be loved and accepted by her son. She really wants to be remain relevant in his life and be treated as a priority. The Mother-Son relationship is one of the very intimate but non-sexual relationships.
Mothers are usually very passionate about their sons. Some mothers who may experienced rough and difficult marriages inside their time with probably impossible husbands usually take solace inside their children to comfort them and care for them. They could have suffered a good deal and had borne numerous indignities to train and bring up their children. They would see their children as their little husbands. Personal injury
Suddenly, a woman appears on the scene to remove her son's attention from her. She feels oppressed and becomes heartbroken. The mother fails to appreciate that whenever her son gets married, she now belongs to the backseat while her daughter-in-law takes the leading seat in her son's life. The mother still desires to really have the full attention of her son which her daughter-in-law will see as rivalry and competition.
Which means conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a challenge for the eye and control of the son/husband.
Some mothers-in-law are unnecessarily difficult and can't be pleased or satisfied by way of a daughter-in-law. Sometimes it is out of envy especially if the mother-in-law had a hard and unhappy marriage and her daughter-in-law now has a happy and cordial relationship.
Some mothers-in-law have good intentions, genuinely interested in the welfare of their son that the daughter-in-law may misconstrue to mean poke nosing.
